The Be or Not to Be

I was waiting in line today when I noticed a very elegantly dressed woman standing ahead of me. She was petite, wearing a well-cut wool coat; her manicured hands held a sleek designer handbag, her tailored trousers were hemmed at just the perfect height for her pumps- her make-up was tastefully applied and her blonde hair cut in a chic bob. Then, when she opened her mouth to address the salesclerk, and I realized that it was all for naught- her careful, elegant presentation was an affectation. It was a disappointment.

My encounter today made me think of a quote- I believe by  French designer Yves Saint-Laurent:  “A woman puts on clothes to draw attention to what’s underneath.” Sadly, I find the opposite to be true these days. So often we choose our clothes not as a reflection of who we are, but who we would like people to think we are. After all, it’s immeasurably easier to purchase the accoutrements of sophistication and elegance than it is to actually put in the work and become those things. 

We Are Butterflies in the Chrysalis

I have lived the majority of my life in a t-shirt and flip-flops. The extent of my hair care was a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner and a rubber band. My make-up routine was non-existent.   Occasionally I would enter into brief periods of effort, but those periods were short-lived as I quickly became overwhelmed by the alien worlds of beauty and fashion. I deduced that all things “girly” were unquestionably for other people.  

But femininity’s siren song would not be silenced.

Last January, my New Year’s Resolution was to take better care of myself. Never one to do something half-way, I launched myself fully into my new endeavor: Project Elpie. I spent time at the feet of the sexiest women in the world, reading every book in the “French-Women-Do/Eat/Believe-This-and-Not-That” genre, hoping to learn what it was that femininity and seduction were all about. Following their advice, I bought a leather handbag and a fancy watch. I went on a diet and started an exercise routine. I found a good hair stylist. I upgraded my skin care routine- easy enough as it formerly consisted of face wash, eye cream, and an SPF  moisturizer (that I used both day and night.) I weeded out my underwear drawer- slowly replacing old cotton briefs with pretty, lacy, things.  

My gorgeous Dooney and Bourke satchel that I gifted to a friend. I loved it but as a mother of two young children, I rarely had a free hand with which to carry it, so it never left the house. 
An expensive lesson to learn.

Three months later the bottom fell out of Project Elpie as I lost sight of why I was doing all of this in the first place.

The amount of self-discipline, effort, financial resources (and water!) it takes to keep oneself looking slim, and polished is, to be honest, quite staggering. My old laissez-faire attitude crept back and I began to see all of this “girly” effort as not only vain and shallow, but also borderline materialistic. Soon thereafter I packed up my new wardrobe, gave away my fancy handbag to a friend, retired my lotions and potions, swapped my healthy salads for grilled cheese sandwiches, and spent the rest of 2014 in t-shirts and Birkenstocks.

Failure? I prefer the term “set back.” Thomas Edison once said: "The  most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." 

Needless to say that marriage and children shift women’s prioirities. While most of us adjust our lifestyles to the new demands on our time, some of us succumb completely, while others find creative solutions to accomplish both.  I am currently the former, but I long desperately to be the latter. I admit that with the exception of a few errant months, I’ve never had much sexy to begin with, (so it’s hard to say “I want it back”) but after seven years of marriage and two children, the time is now. As the saying goes,  we are all butterflies in the chrysalis.

I no longer want to just walk through life, getting by with minimum effort- I want to saunter. I long for beauty, femininity, joie de vivre, and sensuality. This space is a record of that journey, and hopefully a place of encouragement to other women in theirs.